Let Someone Else Do It
Read time: 10 mins 38 secs
Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth— a stranger, not your own lips.
Proverbs 27:2 NLT
Growing up, I would spend a lot of time snooping around the garage. Having moved a few times, there were always boxes and searching them felt like a treasure hunt. I would find cool clothes, new toys, interesting books and many other things that would keep me engaged.
The thing that stuck with me the most from those explorative adventures was finding so many symbols of my dad’s accolades that I knew nothing about. I’d find books he co-authored, degrees he earned and trophies he was awarded with. The interesting thing about it was that these accolades were seemingly forgotten in the garage instead of prominently displayed to point out his accomplishments, applause and authority. I actually remember trying to bring the trophies inside and my mom telling me that my dad didn’t care to have them there. That taught me something: You don’t have to tell everyone about every victory.
I was reminded of this garage memory when my dad became president of the South Central Conference and my grandma sent the new bio page on the conference website to our family. I started reading my dads resume on the website, and while I knew a lot about many of the facts and mile markers of his life in theory, seeing them all together on paper inspired me in a different way. I saw that he pastored in Australia, Chicago, Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska and Nashville. I saw that he built and renovated buildings, started a food bank, and doubled a church's capacity for worship services. I saw that he won a pastor of the year award from the city and numerous excellence awards from the conference. I saw that nine of his members were mentored and motivated to become lay pastors, associate pastors, lead pastors or commissioned chaplains and the demographics of a church board was moved from 4% under 40 years of age to 40% under 40 years of age. I saw that both young adults and seniors thrived under his leadership. I saw that average attendance for a church was raised from 300 to 600 people and annual giving was raised from $1 million to over $2 million. Mortgages were burned, albums were recorded and produced, two other churches were planted, a book was co-authored, medical clinics, financial symposiums, back to school bashes and community initiatives were instituted. School boards and multicultural ministeriums were chaired, the Pastoral Evangelism and Leadership Counsel (PELC) was Vice Chaired and hundreds if not thousands were baptized. He is now essentially the CEO of a 30,000 member organization with 143 churches, 7 schools, covering 5 states and over $25 million dollars in annual tithe that goes to accomplish a world wide mission of spreading the gospel.
My point here isn’t the accomplishments. My point is that as a son, I’ve never heard them bragged about. I knew my dad was a good pastor but he never sat me down to convince me of that. The accolades were praised by others but never by the one who accomplished them. The physical trophies were literally hidden in boxes and forgotten in the garage. While I was around to have some idea that these accomplishments existed, it took me reading a resume I’ve never seen before to really understand the stats and numbers behind these accomplishments because self praise never came out of my dads mouth.
I believe this is a good example of what Solomon is speaking to in this text. When you’re really who you say you are, you don’t have to convince anyone. You don’t have to toot your own horn. You don’t have to boast or brag. True confidence is having the humility to put your purpose before your persona.
Insecurity and arrogance has been described as a short person wearing stilts because they feel less than. They boast about their supposed height in a bid to get you to call them tall too and affirm their desire to not be as short as they really are. But real tall people never have to convince you that they’re tall.
I believe Solomon was able to speak on this in part because he saw it in his dad. You know what’s crazy about David’s story? His biggest accolade was the defeat of Goliath. That’s what put him on the public stage and secured him in the spotlight. That’s what opened the door for a shepherd to be seen as 10x better than the current king. That would be his Grammy on the piano, MVP on the book case, super car in the driveway or championship ring on the finger. That was proof he made it. But the story of David defeating Goliath is found in the book of Samuel, a book David didn’t write. Someone else spoke of his greatest accomplishments, not him.
On the contrary, David wrote about his failures. We hear of his guilt and shame associated with his treatment of Uriah and Bathsheba in the Psalms, where David wrote. David embodied our verse. The Bible calls us to let others praise us and not ourselves but to boast of our weaknesses. Isn't that counter-cultural? The Bible calls us not to pray and give and fast like a Pharisees who purposely went to the busiest areas during the busiest parts of the day to pray aloud so that they could be seen as spiritual (Matthew 6:5-8). Instead we’re called to not let our right hand know what our left hand is doing when we give (Matthew 6:1-4).
Yes, boast of the goodness of God. Don’t be ashamed of the gospel. I’m not saying to lie when presented with an opportunity to tell the full story of God's goodness. Tell your testimony. David didn’t mince words when he confidently walked into the king's quarters and said he has killed lions and bears, plural, and will do the same to a champion fighter with his own sword. I’m not saying to not make a resume or tell of what God did and can do through you. However, don't boast about yourself, just tell the truth. Tell your testimony. As one of my college professors would say, don’t make it a “bragamony.” Focus on sharing your weaknesses and God's strength.
Be Vulnerable
Yes, focus on sharing your weaknesses. I believe one of the biggest reasons we find it hard to connect to others and be trusted is because we have masks and facades up. Our desire to be respected and loved sometimes leads us to act stoic and like we have everything together but that’s not the best way to build relational intimacy. Vulnerability is. If you want people to be real with you, you have to be real first. I’m not saying everyone has to know or hear everything. But when people know that you’re a real person with real issues who by the grace of God is still being used by God, it inspires them more than if you present like you’re perfect and everyone else is below you.
Be Real
They can tell when you’re faking. I can think of people now who struggle to gain the respect they’re desperately looking for because they aren't bold enough to present as a real person who has doubts and fears and weaknesses. People can tell when your arrogance is designed to cover your insecurity. And people don't connect to people who can't be real or honest with themselves or others. Yes, it's scary, but present your weaknesses and let someone else speak of your strengths. A compliment from someone else's mouth typically holds more weight than anything you could say yourself. Focus on God's strength and be clear on your weakness. When you start to think and present like you’re strong on your own, everything begins to grumble.
Truth God’s Process
This calls for a different level of trust in God because how will you be seen? How will you be elevated? How will you be respected if you don’t puff yourself up? The Bible says to focus on humbling yourself and at the right time God will be the one exalting you. Look what Paul says in Philippians 2, “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross. Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father (Philippians 2:3-11 NLT).”
Jesus didn’t have to convince people that He was deserving of praise. He just was. He didn’t have to prove it. Have you ever met a person that always has to be in the place of honor with the titles and symbols that point to their status? Jesus wasn’t like that and you don’t have to be either. Jesus was so confident that He actually lowered Himself. When Jesus describes His heart, the essence and core of His personhood, He says He is meek and lowly. He is humble and accessible. He’s ok with being seen as a criminal on a cross if it’s part of the call on His life. That’s confidence. He’s ok with submitting as a slave. He's ok with being misunderstood, not getting His way and being mistreated by those He out ranked for the sake of His mission. He didn’t parade around proving His power. He was ok with stripping off divinity and putting on humanity for the sake of the very people who would spit on Him without recognizing that He was doing them the biggest favor of their lives. And because of this heart posture, He was trusted to be elevated to a place of highest honor. Can the same be said for you?
Insecure people sometimes think confident people are arrogant because they think meekness is weakness. But no. Humility is the opposite of insecurity. On the contrary, it’s being so confident that you don’t fight for what others fight for. It’s being sure enough to let others win. My dad is one of the most self assured and confident people I know but he doesn't have to convince others why he should be. He just is. I’m not telling you to shrink. You can be honest about the lions and bears you fought but seek to remind others that through God, they can do the same. Being self less is thinking of yourself less and others more, not thinking you are less. Meekness isn’t insecurity, it’s being so aware of your power that you seek to be gentle. It's being so sure of what you have that you seek to give. It’s being so sure of your position that you seek to elevate others. It’s that mindset that makes you safe enough for influence.
Lower yourself and God will elevate you. Elevate yourself, and you will have to be humbled. Be like John the Baptist, someone considered the greatest of all men because he submitted to the mission by lowering himself to uplift Jesus and His mission.
Intrinsic Value
I get it. I really do. I’ve struggled with arrogance as a result of my insecurity. Because I felt less than, I wanted to prove that I was valuable. I wanted to say I was the best and if you didn’t disagree, I would count it as a commitment. But value based on how you measure up to others is fickle. Our value should be intrinsic and immovable because of what God said about us. It’s set, so we don’t have to add anything to it.
Insecurity will bother you when someone you believe you are better than disrespects you. It will lead to arguments and other efforts to prove yourself and put them down as a way of building yourself up by comparison. Insurity will turn you into a person who can never listen to someone else or hear their story. The insecure who’re trying to be seen and loved will always want to be the center of attention. Confidence allows you to give but insecurity pushes you to take. Insecurity will lead to unnecessary stress, strain and work that is the opposite of the rest and righteousness Jesus offered. Arguing back and fighting to prove yourself is often like what Jesus told us not to do; throwing our valuables to the swine. It's putting your worth somewhere it will truly never be handled correctly. It’s not worth it.
You Cannot Beat God
Maybe your fear isn’t how you’ll be viewed by others. Maybe you think you’ll miss out if you don’t market yourself by proving you’re the best. It’s hard to risk being overlooked and unseen when you’ve put in the work. There’s a fear that you’ll miss out or be stuck living below your call. But the thing is, you don’t really miss out as much as you think when you are humble. You can’t brag on yourself as much as God can. You can’t elevate yourself as much as God can. Your curated personal brand has nothing on the God who doesn’t just make eyes and ears but decides what people see and hear. Pride leads to falls but humility leads to elevation. Which one do you want?
True confidence is not predicated on others' understanding. True wealth is seen not in how much you can conserve but how much you can give. You really know you’ve made it when you don’t have to brag anymore. Meekness isn’t weakness, it is ultimate power under control. True confidence is seen in humility. God has seen, called, filled and given you an unshakable value. You’re safe. How would you live if you actually believed that?
Ps.
There’s a biblical principle that what you give will be given back to you. If you want others to honor you, honor them. If you want others to speak well of you in rooms you aren’t in, do that for others. Be a person who affirms and you’ll be affirmed. Be a person who stands up against dinner table gossip and someone else will do it for you. See the good in others publicly. Appreciate people openly. Value others how God values them and God will send others to remind you that He values you. You don’t have to brag to be honored. Honor others and it’ll come back around. Let others speak well of you as you speak well of them. Humble yourself and you’ll be elevated.
Questions to Consider:
Who is the most meek (aware of their position/power but under control for the sake of others) person you know?
Have you ever puffed yourself up because you didn’t feel seen, respected or valued? How could belief in your intrinsic value give you more space to think of others more and yourself less (be selfless).
How do you view people who are always boasting and never vulnerable? Do you trust them or desire to be with them or led by them? What type of leader are you?
How can you speak well of, affirm or pour into someone else today?
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